CHRICKET GO QUEEK QUEEK

2007-11-30T16:10:00.001-08:00

2007-11-15T15:09:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been a month. Time flies when you're ~~hating every second of your worthless existence, staying up late in your room smoking your own leavings through a light bulb, flailing your arms as the bulb overheats~~ having fun.

Well I've watched three games so far.

Duke versus New Mexico State

Duke surprised me, pleasantly. While I wasn't too thrilled with their 30 point lead evaporating to 17 with six minutes left in the game, I was happy to see Scheyer play a solid game, hitting the threes and taking sensible shots. Paulus is still looking a bit rusty in the point, taking way too many straight to the basket when he needs to slow it down and feed Zoubek or hit Henderson or Singler. Notice I'm not including DeMarcus Nelson in there because frankly, his performance in the last game hasn't sold me yet. It was a turnaround from the 06-07 Nelson we saw in the home opener, I'll give him that. Duke's biggest problem is pacing, and I won't be surprised if the first half of the season carries a lot of near-losses in traditional Duke fashion: ass-whoop the other team the first 20 minutes, lose momentum coming into the second half and dominate as the other team gets into foul trouble. It's not looking like the horrendous monstrosity of a season I thought it would be back in April but I tend to get panicky when rosters change, especially with so much youth. Let it be said, though, that maintaining a 17 point lead on New Mexico State is a far cry from maintaining a 17 point lead on Virginia or Florida State.

UNC versus Davidson

Now, I hate Davidson because they were my alma mater UNCG's biggest rival in the SoCon, and their fans were dicks when they came to play in Fleming Gym. That said, I was pretty amped to see them hanging with the lowly Tarheels for the entire second half last night. If it wasn't for some atrocious missed layups, a couple of really stupid fouls and some shoddy cuts, they would have gone into OT or actually lumped up the score to +10 with some free throws. But no, they lost in the last minute, which is okay by me because who gives a fuck about Davidson. What made me so much happier even in watching UNC win was that this is quite obviously a far weaker team than last year's. Little Imp Frasor has put on some pounds it looks like, but he's still executing silly plays and dishing into a double-teamed Hansbrough. The turnovers last night were a delight to see. Corn-Eating Bastard was in perfect form as far as I'm concerned: letting the double team zone coverage stifle his movement, failing to power over smaller defenders for boards and losing his temper and getting T'd up at a pivotal point in the game. Nice to see you haven't learned shit, Tyler. I'm thoroughly confident this #1 ranking will be a distant memory in 2 months as we get into the start of the meaty ACC matchups.

Maryland looked good on paper but I didn't get to see their last game. They seemed to perform pretty solidly relying mainly on Vasquez with Gist suspended. It's still too early, though. The ACC is going to be crazy this year, so who knows. They have possibly the youngest team I've ever seen since the mid 1990s. FUCK.

Other notes from around college ball:

-First game staggering upsets are a sign of a great season to come.
-GT losing their first game sucks for P. Hewitt, who I'm a "stan" of. That's hip hop slang, if you didn't know.
-NC State are my dogs but Top 25 ranking? Really?
-Apparently this OJ Mayo fellow is a major douche; I wasn't really aware of him, but no surprise there.
-The sight of Billy Donovan struggling reassures me every morning when I wake up to this crazy, hectic world.

MAYES is off now to see UConn play underdogs Gardner-Webb at the Garden for the Coaches Vs. Cancer classic. Maybe he can do a liveblog, or update us tomorrow. I would have gone too, but I'd rather slit my balls open for all to see than sit in a room with that many Huskies fans. I'll be home tonight inhaling pizza and counting down the minutes until I'm back in beautiful Durham, NC for Thanksgiving. It truly is God's country.

2007-10-13T00:49:00.000-07:00

Alright, Midnight Madness is like tonight or some shit, MAYES said so on IM.

So we're getting close.

I don't know jack shit about baseball except that I was good at it until I was 11 and they said I was too slow, so......

Red Sox Rockies World Series ya i said it, big surprise AND WAT

Meanwhile,

OMG OMG basketball is coming soon. But baseballs rule the day now, so, some expert insight:

Craig Sager = the motherfuckin man. I always said 'who is the poof doin sidelines for braves games' but now i get it.

ayoo technology. ya herd?

and they got some fags on conan when u know klaxons are in town tonite so why didn't u guys get them???

this is getting very tangential. here is my acc circa feb standings:

unc
virginia
duke
nc state
florida state
miami
v tech
wake
ga tech
clemson
dreaded boston college (what?)
this pains the living shit out of me to say but: maryland (prove me wrong, girls!)

SNAT

2007-04-09T13:07:00.000-07:00

Now what the hell am I supposed to do? Seven months until it starts again. This year's NCAA tournament felt kind of like a cheat. Not enough buzzer-beaters, not enough upsets. Butler's Cinderella run was an appropriate 2007 version of the classic fairy tale; Beautiful Cinderella is the belle of the ball, she moves with such grace, suprising all the guests, who wave to her as she glides by. Then she's brutally raped in full view by a gangly, snarling monster of indeterminate ethnicity. We're living in end times, people.

It was a basketball coach's sort of tournament. The seedings were accurate with an almost painful sobriety. The expected happened, offenses prevailed, guard matchups and low post positioning ruled the day the way they should. To the layperson, it was boring. I am the layperson. I remember sitting in a bar with a girl during the semifinal Florida game. She was a Florida fan and even she was bored. This is the kind of tournament it was.

So what of Duke? It's hard to even ponder right now. McRoberts can get the fuck out. I would have liked to see him stay but the writers are correct, he never filled the leadership slot that was so sorely needed of him. So now we've got Scheyer and Paulus. I suppose they're going to have to fill some sort of Thomas Hill/Bobby Hurley position in the lineup but I think Jon's inexperience and Greg's poor shot selection will just end up in disappointment. DeMarcus Nelson will never become the shooter we need him to be. Zoubek as our inside presence is just depressing. There are not happy times ahead in Cameron Indoor Stadium. Sigh. At least we got to see that monumental collapse in OT by the Tar Heels. That was worth 10 losses to VCU.

Now, onto what exactly? Baseball season? I know so little about baseball that I'd be doing a disservice to analyze it. So I'll point you here instead. They'll give you what you need.

As for us at Queek Queek, we're going to put on our floppy hats and sunglasses and hit the road for Spring and Summer. We'll put a good word in here and there. Be good and we'll be ready to talk hoops come fall. The globe slowly turns with a grinding pain like the burning in Roy Williams' tender butthole. Nos vemos, amigos.

2007-03-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to yell. I'm not going to "explode" or "go crazy".

You know, I don't even care. I'm a grown man. I can take it. I've dealt with loss. If I get too down, I can hop the subway down to Canal Street and gorge myself on Steamed Pork Buns and Happy Endings til Monday morning. I'll be alright.

But what about the kids? The children of Durham? Did you forget about them?

I remember in '92, sitting in our apartment off James Street, fingers crossed, Hill to Laettner, the Shot. Crying on the phone with my best friend seconds later; we couldn't believe it. That was for something. This? This was... You could've set something up. COME ON PAULUS. I'm not going to yell. You could have given something to the kids, could have given them 100%. It's like you knew the season had to end here.

I had you losing next round anyways, but come on... VCU? It would have been alright if Capel was still coaching--it would have been poetic. A shining moment and all that bullshit. But this was just depressing.

It's back to Durham and you have a long summer ahead. Between hummers from fat Asian Trinity undergrads and sushi at George's Garage, I have one humble request:

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE

2007-03-14T10:00:00.000-07:00

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Seriously. The birds are returning from wherever the hell they go off to in winter. The trees are blooming. The air seems fresh, clean. I can smell flowers. I hear bells when I see her hair.

Got off the plane at RDU and immediately drove to a Bojangle's. Sat in the parking lot behind the G105 building and ate sixteen biscuits in three minutes.

God I love the Triangle.

What a great ACC tournament, except for that unfortunate end where the humble, deserving Wolfpack got denied by the dark forces of Corn Eating Bastard and his leathery little master. I think the Pack got shafted by the selection committee as well but what can you do. Let's talk March Madness:

Good Things

UNC is fucked. They'll steamroll Marquette and then get smoked by Texas. Tough bracket to be in, possibly the toughest. Hansbrough I want to feel your tears. Frasor where I come from we kidnap guys that look like you and roast you on spits over open coals. (I'm from near Woodcroft, actually. Take the 751-Jordan Lake exit off 40 and I'm like a mile west of there.) Reyshawn, I actually have respect for you, to an extent. Fuck you.

BC could style on Texas Tech. It's a tossup. I have Tech going to the elite 8, which is probably stupid but its a gut instinct. Look Jared Dudley is pretty good, even though he looks like Jim Jones. But it's still Boston, so fuck it. I hope Knight throws a chair at some point.

Bad Things

UVA is good until they meet Greg Oden and get buttfucked back to the 1770s. Dave Leito looks like he could be another Paul Hewitt and boy does Charlottesville need that, but it's too early to say. I miss the old days of UVA when they recruited that kid from my high school who was a wife beater. I miss Bobby Cremins, too.

Duke, Duke, my poor beloved Duke. You were so young; why do the good die young? You guys are completely fucked. I know this is where my West Durham upbringing is supposed to shine through all reason, but you guys are absolutely fuck-hammered. Wojo will scream in pain as the shots rain down. Chris Collins will be talked into lowering the handgun from his temple at the very last second. Coach K will start to subtly vibrate before the rat actually breaks through the skin and makes for the arena exits. Alls I'm saying is: Hey Gaudet, watch your back. I blame you for all of this. Listen: Pitt, UCLA, So Ill, Florida. If you guys can do this, I will shave the hair off of my entire body for the duration of 2007.

VT. Fuck you guys. Expansion homos. Bruce Weber is gonna spread mayo on that ass and take a big chomp.

Georgia Tech. My homeys. I always like to see these cats do well. But they ain't doin' nothing. If Wisconsin doesn't wax that ass, Oregon will be happy to do it for them. Too bad but really, did you even picture yourselves going this far this season? Be glad you're not Clemson.

Terps, o mighty ones, Terror-pins, Murdaland representatives. Butler will be the toughest game you've had all season. Destroy with extreme prejudice. Then you will meet your demise, so do me one favor okay? Mike Jones, I want you to set a pick and then slap the ever-loving shit out of Joakim Noah. Don't even bother making it look like an accident. Calmly walk off the court ~~and take your suspension like a man~~ [ed: He's a senior, all the more reason. Have you seen MD's roster? They're all fucking seniors! They're fucked next year!]. Who? MIKE JONES. Who? MIKE JONES. Bowers, I want you to take a shit in Billy Donovan's briefcase after the game. Maybe next year, guys.

All the other teams can go to hell. I'm an ACC guy through and through. In case you're interested (you're not) here it is:

Florida
Texas
Pitt
Louisville

Texas over Florida 91-86 OT

Let the games begin.

PS: Memo to the selection committee: We have VT, BC and Miami as our expansion hoes now. It's like a large Catholic family where babies keep getting shit out. My point is, Florida State is one of us now. Stop picking on them.

2007-03-05T12:34:00.000-08:00

H-hey coach! Leave me in yayayayaya 14 points whatever there's still 12 seconds left, my mom's in the audience you don't understand how much it means for me to have to impress h

COME ON COACH ok if you don't leave me in I swear I'll walk off this court HOLD ME BACK REYSHAWN I SWEAR

NO th

NO I HAVE ALLERGIES YOU KNOW HAYFEVER no not Haywood

oboyoboy

Ok I'll miss this free throw, WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY THIS IS

2007-03-02T14:30:00.000-08:00

FUCK YOU. You suck. Your basketball team sucks. You will never be as good as us. You will always be the second fiddle to Duke Basketball. You will always be an afterthought, a secondary question to inquiries on Duke's schedule strength and starting roster. Your campus is pretty and your bars are better than Durham's but you're all a bunch of shit-for-brains rednecks from Caswell County. You shouldn't be able to go east of Estes Drive without taking an aptitude test. You win a championship with essentially a team of NBA rookie ringers and you think you're hot shit. You suffer under inept coaches, one of whom may as well have literally suckled at Dean's teat and then you steal away the only good thing in the state of Kansas and you think you're the bomb. Fuck you. Your stadium is a piece of shit, cookie-cutter arena with no soul. I've dropped deuces in the bathroom at Dorton Arena that had more intensity. As kids we used to joke that you mic'ed up your students section to compete with ours, and you know what? 15 years later I still believe it. Your fans are pathetic. Your players have no character, either. We had guys riding pine like Jay Heaps who could light up a room with their smile. Who the fuck did you have? Serge Zwikker? Makhtar Ndiaye? Fuck you. And get the fuck out of my face with Jordan. The guy doesn't even like being in Chapel Hill, ok? His restaurant went tits up in months and he lost a shit-ton of cash. He'd rather be fucking JonBenet lookalikes in the DC area anyways. If Coach K had started at Duke 10 years earlier we'd have MJ's name in the rafters at Cameron and you know it. Dickie V sucks our cocks, not yours. He's ours. Get the fuck back. People pay top dollar to watch a game at Cameron, not at the Dean Dome. Get the fuck out of here. You don't even belong in the ACC. Why won't the fucking Southern Conference just take you? Everybody hates you. VT talks about you behind your back and we let them. If Dave Odom was going to hit Woody Durham in the back of the head with a sledgehammer, we wouldn't even give him a heads-up. Because we hate you. You could hold a press conference where James Worthy shits all over a LeapFrog learning computer system and broadcast it live on NBC 17 and tell the entire Triangle that you've given up the game of basketball and we wouldn't give a shit. We'd change the channel and imagine Debra Morgan naked and wonder if Sidney Lowe has what it takes. You're nothing to us. The ghost of Jimmy V is on our side. He puts a hex on you. You probably microwave pizza, you're so stupid. You keep talking about that four corners bullshit. How about the FLEX OFFENSE faggot? You let Eric Montross sleep in your beds. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Die a miserable, painful, agonizing death at the feet of the Duke Blue Devil. Scream all you want but don't get any of the semen in your lungs on our brand new sneakers you fucking cocksuckers. I hope your entire campus gets obliterated by a tornado. I'd go on but I just remembered you inbred, scum-fucking, banjo-twiddling sister-rapists can't even read.

2007-02-22T08:07:00.000-08:00

ACC Teams as Enya songs: An Exercise in Atmospheric Visualization

This morning I woke up with the Reba McEntire's ill-fated "I know what I like and I like Fritos, corn chips, baby" ad campaign stuck in my head, which got me to thinking: if the ACC basketball teams were Enya songs, would th

The University of North Carolina Tarheels: Orinoco Flow
In 1988 Irish singer Enya released the single "Orinoco Flow" (which is often incorrectly referred to as "Sail Away," a phrase repeated during the chorus. The US version of the single and the album cut are called "Orinoco Flow (Sail Away)"), which reached #1 on the UK singles chart for three weeks in October 1988.

Much like the sail away song, the Heels were big in the 80s, and now just hearing about them makes you want to fucking vomit. Also, huge in the UK. True story, in Dublin there are shops that sell American sports memorabilia geared towards the European layman who obviously buys the hat for the logo and because they saw Jimmy Fallon wear it on the cover of that People Magazine they found at Carl's Jr. while visiting their weird uncle that moved to Canada in the early 2000s. They only sell Yankees and UNC stuff there.

The University of Maryland, College Park Terrapins: Only Time
Only Time is a song by Irish singer Enya, first released in 2000. The release of this single coincided with the release of the album A Day Without Rain. In 2001 "Only Time" was released again as a remix. The track was remixed by S.A.F. (Christian B. and Mark Dold) with a final remix by Enya's producer Nicky Ryan. The song was also featured in the soundtrack of the motion picture Sweet November. Only Time remains (as of 2006) to be Enya's biggest solo hit in the United States, peaking at #10 on Billboard Hot 100.

In September 2001, after the 9/11 terrorist attacks, New Yorker Steve Golding released a Macromedia Flash presentation with a collection of news photos from the attacks and their victims, and the remixed version of "Only Time" was incorporated to this flash. The Flash presentation spread rapidly over the internet and eventually led to the song receiving a lot of airtime on radio.

Like a phoenix from the ashes, Only Time and the U of M can contribute their respective popularities to crushing national tragedy. The United States' and Len Bias' heart respectively.
TOo soo

Boston College Eagles: Storms In Africa
"Storms in Africa" was a single released from Enya's album Watermark.
For a time, Ansett Airlines Australia used the song as its theme prior to its collapse in 2001.

Fly Eagles, Fly

Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University Hokies/The University Of Miami Weird Birds/Hurricanes: I Want Tomorrow
Two versions of this single were released. The original BBC Records release had a cover with a white border. Later reissued on Atlantic Records with a black-bordered cover. The contents of both versions are identical.

The contents of both of these shitty new ACC additions are identical.

Duke University Blue Devils: I Don't Wanna Know (Mario Winans featuring P. Diddy and Enya)
The first single "I Don't Wanna Know" was based on a sample of the Fugees' 1996 hit single "Ready Or Not", which itself was based on a slowed-down sample of the instrumental track "Boadicea" by Enya from her 1987 self-titled album. Enya and her representatives became annoyed since Winans did not seek her approval for the sample, as he was unaware that the Fugees sample he had used had itself been a sample. So, a compromise was reached to credit the single as "Mario Winans featuring P. Diddy and Enya".

People be stealing from Coach K's success make the Diddy man go

Clemson University Tigers and Lady Tigers: Book Of Days
The capital O in "Book Of Days" is intentional See this Amazon URL found via the "Shop" at The Official Enya Website

The capital O is the closest onomatopoeia that Clemson fans make when someone brings up their recent accomplishments in a bar argument:
Men - 1939 Southern Conference Tournament Champions, 1990 ACC Regular Season Champions, 3 Sweet 16 Appearances, 1980 Elite 8 Appearance, 1999 NIT Runner-Up

Florida State Seminoles: Exile
What was the name of that white guy that was pretty good for the Seminoles about 10 years ago? I don't even know and I am obsessed with ACC basketball.

Georgia Institute of Technology Yellow Jackets: Watermark
The subtlety that characterizes her work at her best dominates Watermark, with the lovely title track, her multi-tracked voice gently swooping among the lead piano, and strings like a softly haunting ghost.

When I went to Atlanta for some godawful reason, I and some friends stopped by Georgia Tech's student union. They had a bowling alley. Two weeks later, a student was murdered nearby, softly haunting Bobby Cremins to this day.

North Carolina State University Wolfpack : Caribbean Blue
"Caribbean Blue," the lead single, avoids repeating the successful formula of "Orinoco Flow" by means of its waltz time -- a subtle enough change, but one that colors and drives the overall composition and performance, the closest Enya might ever get to a dance number.

NC State is like a lighter version of UNC. They act like their biggest rival in the world is Carolina but Carolina doesn't even register them on their radar. Plus, the Wolfpack's got a good beat, and always makes you hungry.

The University of Virginia Cavaliers: Book of Days
With her trademark understated drama in full flow many other places, especially on the wonderful "Book of Days" (replaced on later pressings with an English language version done for the film Far and Away), Enya shows herself to still have it, to grand effect.

Virginia's got some huge balls, naming their arena after Led Zeppelin's bassist.

Look, question lady. This job is not what I really do, OK?
I play keyboards.

Wake Forest University Demon Decons: No Holly for Miss Quinn
What th

2007-02-17T22:14:00.000-08:00

My cousin Levi and I were riding dirtbikes on Lee County Line Rd, meandering off into the barren fields and scaring the stray dogs. There was one of those marbleized skies above, the kind that just sort of hang there all day during the last weeks of winter. It was pretty warm, though.

LOOK OUT, NATE ROBINSON, I said, which is odd because it was 1992. Later that day we drank Crystal Pepsi and did the Hammer in separate rooms. Too young to smoke beers out behind the Bi-Lo so we just sat and counted the ticks on Moses, the big black dog that would later run away and probably end up near Lillington.

Later that day my aunt and my mom went to some greenhouse in the next town over to look at azaleas and we just waited outside, kicking around the dirt and trying to recite "Ice, Ice, Baby" verbatim. At one point we stole all the M&Ms out of the little glass candy dispenser. Levi punched the glass out with his fist wrapped in a bandana while I stood lookout.

LOOK OUT, BEYONCE, I said, which was odd because we'd already eaten the M&Ms and it was four hours later. We were counting dots in the ceiling tiles and trying to draw that misogynist wolf from the Paula Abdul video.

It was only for a weekend, we went back to Durham and Levi went back to Myrtle Beach. Never saw him again. When I got home to my familiar block I noticed nothing had changed except the local hoods had wrapped the swings over the pole again so we couldn't use them and the Chinese man and his French wife were fighting louder than normal. I spent the next week at school worrying about how I could ask my parents for The Pump sneakers despite having had an allergic reaction to Reeboks two years previous. They never let me have the sneakers.

Laying around one Sunday while my dad watched Crossfire and my mom sat knitting, I said to myself that if neither Dan nor Dave managed to qualify for the '92 games in Barcelona, I would kill myself. It would be an act of solidarity with the embarrassed executives at Reebok who would undoubtedly do the same thing--there is honor in the sneaker industry.

LOOK OUT, WILL BOWERS, my dad said, which was odd because we were on the side of 495 waiting for a Maryland State Policeman to radio for a tow truck to pick up our '88 Corolla with two flats. It was raining and chilly and when I rode in the police car up front with the cop my mom said to me from the back seat 'don't touch anything, some gun might go off or something'. I don't think my mother ever trusted policemen, but that's another story.

I have a vague memory of sliding down the entire stair railing at the entrance to the White Flint metro station that summer. Who knows, though, I was so hopped up on Nu Grape. The librarian at my middle school was terrified of me because of it. That's another story and discussion that we'll talk about when I'm good and drunk. I'm only on my 8th Molson Ice right now, so you know, gotta keep it real.

Flash forward to 2004 and I'm at work on the Upper West Side, standing by the printer and just sort of staring at the wall. My coworker (who is about 10 years older than me) is telling me he went to GWU and lived in Dupont Circle around the late 80s and something clicks and I want to say 'hey Tim, did you happen to live in a white row house around 20th and O, because I'm pretty sure one afternoon when I was walking sullenly behind my parents to some restaurant, I saw you sitting in your window sill talking on a cordless phone. You have a pretty distinct face and even all these years later I still remember it and it struck me as the ideal image of what being an adult looked like, being out on your own and independent.' But how do you say something like that to someone out of the blue? So I just said LOOK OUT, DAVE ODOM, which was odd because he had left the room 20 minutes ago.

Another time I was at the Kennedy Center with my classmates waiting for a production of the Nutcracker to start. I was about 12, and everyone was getting settled into their seats and taking off their coats and scarves and in the row in front of me a girl of around my own age turned in her seat and locked eyes with me. She smiled a wide grin and I noticed the neat flourescent pink Swatch on her wrist and I scowled at her. Her smile fell and she turned back to face the stage. Story of my life. Well, I'm sorry about that now, wherever you are. I figure she is either a) engaged b) living abroad or c) dead. I hope it's b.

Later leaving the theater it began to snow. I turned to J.P. and said "what the hell was up with the giant woman in the dress during the second act who had pod people coming out of her anus?" J.P. didn't respond but an older girl laughed and said "what are you talking about?" I just Googled her. She's a doctor now at UNC Hospital and is married to a fellow from Saint Louis. I haven't seen her since one rainy night in 1998 when our cars happened to be side by side at a stoplight in Chapel Hill. She rolled down the window to say hi and I said LOOK OUT, ERIK MEEK, which was odd because there's no way she could have heard me over the Right Said Fred blaring from my stereo. My mistake.

We're getting down to the wire, March Madness is right around the corner. I'm thinking seven NCAA bids for ACC teams this season; Florida State and UVA will be on the bubble but will make it. Clemson will not and people will throw up their hands in anger in the Inferior Carolina. ESPN goes into their hysterics about Duke not making the cut when they lose four in a row--I would bet money on Roy Williams coaching the March 4th Duke at UNC game in a Jon Benet Ramsey t-shirt before I entertain that notion. A close friend said something about the media reporting each time Josh McRoberts farts and I think that's pretty accurate. But I love it, I think Coach K is the greatest, the Crazies are the best fans, Cameron is the only stadium that can make your hair stand on end and give you goosebumps just walking into it and there was no stomp in that '92 game against Kentucky. So there. At least I'm being honest.

LOOK OUT, GYASI CLINE-HEARD

2007-02-08T07:53:00.000-08:00

In 7th grade english one of our special projects was to read an autobiography and do a report on it dressed like that person. There weren't many stores that sold chaps for preteens so Freddy Mercury was out of the question. I settled for Muggsy Bogues. Boy howdy, that was one superb piece of literature Wake Forest more like Wake BOR plus, god help you if you couldn't find a Bogues jersey in 1994 for some reason, so I just wore a shitty starter jacket. This story sums up how I feel about Tyler Hansbrough I heard his mom moved to myrtle beach and their dog got really depressed and gnawed on his paws until they bled and he put on about 40 pounds (he was maybe 25 pounds prior) becuase he was so upset and hated the weather

Do you think Stuart Scott got his eye poked out at spankys on franklin st there are a lot of objects that jut out of the walls there confirm/deny

2007-01-31T19:36:00.000-08:00

"Good Evening, Ma'am, is your husband home?"

"Why, I'm afraid he's not. He isn't usually home until after six. Can I help you?"

"As a matter of fact, ma'am, I believe you could. I'm with Publisher's Clearing House and I'm here to profer one cashier's check in the amount of $4,000, paid to the order of your husband."

"Oh my! Oh, wow, gosh! Let me try and get him on the telephone at the office. Perhaps he can rush here early! Oh! He'll be so excited! Oh, do come in!"

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Please, please, have a seat. Oh my! This is so exciting, you know we rarely have any excitement like this... Let me get him on the telephone right away... Oh, where are my manners? May I get you some coffee or anything else to drink?"

"No ma'aam, that's quite alright but thank you for asking. You go ahead and ring up your husband, I'm sure he'll be just as excited as you are. This is a lovely home you have here, by the way."

"Oh thank you! Yes, I'll ring him now. Oh, he'll be thrilled!" [Moves to telephone]

"I'm sure he will, ma'am!"

"Hello..? Hello, Fred? Fred, honey, it's me. You'll never guess what happened! No..! No, nothing bad! No, good news! Fred, honey, calm down! Fred, no..."

"Ma'am?"

"Fred, no... Hold on, the man wants to say something... No, it's not that, Fred! No... No, I would never... No, you don't understand... Yes! Yes, you should come down here! No, not to do that, just come down and you'll see. Here, he wants to speak to you..." [Hands phone over]

"Sir? Yes, my name is QueYall got da game all fuCCed up Cuzz....Im Rollin 60 NHC strait outta muthafuCCin 6-Tray an Slauson and i dont kno NO LoC dat talk like dat on sum real Cuzz shit LoCyou speak crip talk to other G.C memeber, and enemies not to ununiformed people that dont have flags or tatts that rep they set.check this Cuzzin, alot of yall still old school GET MONEY, and if you wonna kill dont do it unless you really have to alot of yall dont even have a hustle game and just craccalaccen on a damn color and dont have bond money. thats what you call [foot soldier],in this real life hustle. AND true MAFIANS dont yeal out mafia, MAFIA. how in the hell you call yourself mafia when it is to Ce seCret socioety. MUCH LOVE TO THE HUMBLE CRIPS AND 8 BALLEN, CRIPS AND FOLK NATIONS [IM A MAN SO I REP THE SIX STAR WE WILL -NOT BE- RULED BY THE BELLY OF THE BEAST A FEMALE THATS ON HER PERIOD SCREAMING THE FLOOD THE FLOOD. THE FLAME IS BLUE BEFORE ITS RED. F. C R I P" [Throws phone through window]

[Cat enters house via ceiling, speaks]

"Maryland is in sorry shape if you ask me. I can't believe they did so poorly against Florida State of all teams. Their upcoming matches against Duke should be bloodbaths but you never really know with the ACC. Tonight before the UT/TT game Coaches Knight and Barnes stood at half-court as the former presented the latter with some sort of strange plaque. At points it seemed like Knight was choking up or near tears. What the hell was that all about?"

[House explodes]

2007-01-26T09:51:00.000-08:00

I am recovering my scooter. I have travelled to a distant, misty land for my scooter. I will not leave until it has rightfully been returned to me. Orion don't come closer. This whole river is rigged. Have you ever seen a torso sail through the night sky? I have. Give or take five dozen. I carved Dean Smith's visage into my thigh last night for companionship. It gets a little lonely. I am befriending the cave spiders, once this is all over we will set sail for the USA and eat bisquick on the shores of San Francisco.

Personally I was surprised Clemson even came back to tie it up. They were terrible at capitalizing on Duke's mistakes. Every steal or rebound just resulted in a brick. I think the stat ESPN put up with about 1:30 left in the game said it all: Second Chance Points, Clemson: 4, Duke: 19.

Skywriter flies by leaving the word PENIS in billowy white letters above. Special instructions. Sure enough I am surrounded by them. I fire. The gun does not fire, I FIRE. The gun is an extension of my arms. Hours later I am back in the cave tying sinew around my split-apart bicep. The maggots will love me for this one.

Canadians. Four of them. Hippies. Two o'clock. Engage. My AK-56 jams after six rounds so I switch to M16A4 and fire two frag grenades 5 meters in their direction. They are quickly dispatched. I wake up and the bouncers are hauling me out of the festival grounds. I am in downtown Montreal. NO.

I wake up covered in cave spiders. A nightmare. Just before dawn the metal scrotum goes hovering by towards Manila. We are doomed. Life wasn't always like this.

Frankly Duke's days in the Top 10 are numbered. Imagine that style of play against a machine like Florida or UCLA. The Carolina games should be interesting. I wince at the thought of a Hansbrough-led blowout. I don't know if McRoberts can hang.

2007-01-24T11:55:00.000-08:00

The NHL's recent addition of new, ergonomic and breathable fabrics of the future in their jerseys has undeniably ushered in the stage of hockey renaissance us fans of the Wales Conference have been waiting for. Here are a few observations from the unveiling event earlier this week.

Where was the event held?
In a back room at Aquavit, a restaurant in midtown Manhattan.

Was there food?
That's some spicy mulligatawny!
-Len Bias
LIL DAB WILL DO YA *SPILLS ENTIRE BOWL OF COOKING OIL IN PAN*

How many media people attended?
A lot of reputable sports bloggers from With Laettner were there, (SPORTS BLOGS HAVE BAR CRED LIKE YOU WOULDN'T BEL

Who else was there?
About half a dozen people from the NHL (including Commissioner Gary Bettman and Executive VP Brian Jennings), maybe half a dozen more from Reebok (including Reebok CCM/Hockey prexy Matt O’Toole), Idi Amin, defenseman John-Michael Lerner from the Colorado Avalanche, and a few people with cameras.

Wh
she is flying in this weekend so when i kiss her the first time i will have to see if i can taste another mans dick on her breath

otherwise yeah we have been really good we got over that fight

So what actually happened?
I had to wait fucking 2 hours outside in the cold and this guy kept bothering me for some change so I finally snapped and said "Hey man, I don't come to Staples and bother you for stuff when you're working" so I just swept all the popcorn bags under the seat and stormed out

What sorts of questions got asked?
Most of the other media people asked business-related questions (how much will the new jerseys retail for, that sort of thing), and I kept asking really detail-oriented questions like, “How many times do you think I can ask Jodie Sweetin about cough syrup until she catches on" and "what hte hell is ghapp"

Did they have any live human beings wearing the new uniforms?
No. They had two mannequins — both dressed up in the Eastern Conference All-Star uni, facing front, and one of those skinless executed Chinese political prisoners from Bodies: The Exhibition wearing the Western Conference design, facing backward, Level 42's Something About You blaring from the loudspeakers, deafening.

Were there any live demonstrations?
Brian Jennings took one of the new jerseys, stretched it out over his lap, and poured a glass of water onto it, so we could see how it repelled water. At this point, Gary Bettman got a phone call, started crying uncontrollably and had to be helped off stage.

Weren’t they supposed to show the individual team uniforms, not just the All-Star designs?
That’s what I had assumed, and of course I was disappointed when that turned out not to be the case. To be fair, I only wanted to see the third jersey logo for the Columbus Blue Jackets because it reminded me of that time in Durham where we were all eating those cheese sa.

Reheat Pizza
Heat up leftover pizza in a non-stick skillet on top of the stove, set heat to med-low and heat till warm. This keeps the crust crispy. No soggy micro pizza. I saw this on the cooking channel and it really works.

Was there a goodie bag?
Upon leaving, we were each given a box containing a couple of press releases that summarized most of what we’d just been told, an AK-56 with extra ammunition and a flash suppressor, some chilled butter with a loaf of fresh country bread, a bag of crack the size of the sun, and a Burger King VHS tape with 3 episodes of Teenaged Mutant Nija Turtle

2007-01-24T08:05:00.000-08:00

Tape: You're so f***in' hot. And I wanna eat you. And I want you to s*** my c***. And I want my girlfriend to eat you ...O'Brien: You betcha!Dr. Phil: Now, Pat, how do you feel when you hear this?O'Brien: I feel like goin' f***in' crazy!Dr. Phil: I'm sure I'd feel like I was going crazy, too, after saying such vulgar and inappropriate things, more of which will be replayed on my show tomorrow, check local listings. But look, if you're big enough to leave someone a message like that, you're big enough to stand up and answer questions about it.O'Brien: I'm so f***in' into you.Dr. Phil: I appreciate that, Pat. But you know, you messed up big. You wouldn't be here if you didn't know that. I think a lot of people have lost faith in you, and they would like to know what your next move is gonna be before they tune in for your show tomorrow night.O'Brien: Let's hire a hooker. Let's get crazy, get some coke.Dr. Phil: Pat, you must know that coke and alcohol potentiate each other. Coke takes alcohol's power from maybe a Level 2 to a higher level. It might go to a Level 20 or it might go to a Level 200.O'Brien: Yeah, let's take it to the limit! Let's go nuts!