Wow, it's been a month. Time flies when you're hating every second of your worthless existence, staying up late in your room smoking your own leavings through a light bulb, flailing your arms as the bulb overheats having fun.

Well I've watched three games so far.

Duke versus New Mexico State

Duke surprised me, pleasantly. While I wasn't too thrilled with their 30 point lead evaporating to 17 with six minutes left in the game, I was happy to see Scheyer play a solid game, hitting the threes and taking sensible shots. Paulus is still looking a bit rusty in the point, taking way too many straight to the basket when he needs to slow it down and feed Zoubek or hit Henderson or Singler. Notice I'm not including DeMarcus Nelson in there because frankly, his performance in the last game hasn't sold me yet. It was a turnaround from the 06-07 Nelson we saw in the home opener, I'll give him that. Duke's biggest problem is pacing, and I won't be surprised if the first half of the season carries a lot of near-losses in traditional Duke fashion: ass-whoop the other team the first 20 minutes, lose momentum coming into the second half and dominate as the other team gets into foul trouble. It's not looking like the horrendous monstrosity of a season I thought it would be back in April but I tend to get panicky when rosters change, especially with so much youth. Let it be said, though, that maintaining a 17 point lead on New Mexico State is a far cry from maintaining a 17 point lead on Virginia or Florida State.

UNC versus Davidson

Now, I hate Davidson because they were my alma mater UNCG's biggest rival in the SoCon, and their fans were dicks when they came to play in Fleming Gym. That said, I was pretty amped to see them hanging with the lowly Tarheels for the entire second half last night. If it wasn't for some atrocious missed layups, a couple of really stupid fouls and some shoddy cuts, they would have gone into OT or actually lumped up the score to +10 with some free throws. But no, they lost in the last minute, which is okay by me because who gives a fuck about Davidson. What made me so much happier even in watching UNC win was that this is quite obviously a far weaker team than last year's. Little Imp Frasor has put on some pounds it looks like, but he's still executing silly plays and dishing into a double-teamed Hansbrough. The turnovers last night were a delight to see. Corn-Eating Bastard was in perfect form as far as I'm concerned: letting the double team zone coverage stifle his movement, failing to power over smaller defenders for boards and losing his temper and getting T'd up at a pivotal point in the game. Nice to see you haven't learned shit, Tyler. I'm thoroughly confident this #1 ranking will be a distant memory in 2 months as we get into the start of the meaty ACC matchups.

Maryland looked good on paper but I didn't get to see their last game. They seemed to perform pretty solidly relying mainly on Vasquez with Gist suspended. It's still too early, though. The ACC is going to be crazy this year, so who knows. They have possibly the youngest team I've ever seen since the mid 1990s. FUCK.

Other notes from around college ball:

-First game staggering upsets are a sign of a great season to come.
-GT losing their first game sucks for P. Hewitt, who I'm a "stan" of. That's hip hop slang, if you didn't know.
-NC State are my dogs but Top 25 ranking? Really?
-Apparently this OJ Mayo fellow is a major douche; I wasn't really aware of him, but no surprise there.
-The sight of Billy Donovan struggling reassures me every morning when I wake up to this crazy, hectic world.

MAYES is off now to see UConn play underdogs Gardner-Webb at the Garden for the Coaches Vs. Cancer classic. Maybe he can do a liveblog, or update us tomorrow. I would have gone too, but I'd rather slit my balls open for all to see than sit in a room with that many Huskies fans. I'll be home tonight inhaling pizza and counting down the minutes until I'm back in beautiful Durham, NC for Thanksgiving. It truly is God's country.

Alright, Midnight Madness is like tonight or some shit, MAYES said so on IM.

So we're getting close.

I don't know jack shit about baseball except that I was good at it until I was 11 and they said I was too slow, so......

Red Sox Rockies World Series ya i said it, big surprise AND WAT

Meanwhile,

OMG OMG basketball is coming soon. But baseballs rule the day now, so, some expert insight:



Craig Sager = the motherfuckin man. I always said 'who is the poof doin sidelines for braves games' but now i get it.

ayoo technology. ya herd?

and they got some fags on conan when u know klaxons are in town tonite so why didn't u guys get them???

this is getting very tangential. here is my acc circa feb standings:

unc
virginia
duke
nc state
florida state
miami
v tech
wake
ga tech
clemson
dreaded boston college (what?)
this pains the living shit out of me to say but: maryland (prove me wrong, girls!)

SNAT

Now what the hell am I supposed to do? Seven months until it starts again. This year's NCAA tournament felt kind of like a cheat. Not enough buzzer-beaters, not enough upsets. Butler's Cinderella run was an appropriate 2007 version of the classic fairy tale; Beautiful Cinderella is the belle of the ball, she moves with such grace, suprising all the guests, who wave to her as she glides by. Then she's brutally raped in full view by a gangly, snarling monster of indeterminate ethnicity. We're living in end times, people.

It was a basketball coach's sort of tournament. The seedings were accurate with an almost painful sobriety. The expected happened, offenses prevailed, guard matchups and low post positioning ruled the day the way they should. To the layperson, it was boring. I am the layperson. I remember sitting in a bar with a girl during the semifinal Florida game. She was a Florida fan and even she was bored. This is the kind of tournament it was.

So what of Duke? It's hard to even ponder right now. McRoberts can get the fuck out. I would have liked to see him stay but the writers are correct, he never filled the leadership slot that was so sorely needed of him. So now we've got Scheyer and Paulus. I suppose they're going to have to fill some sort of Thomas Hill/Bobby Hurley position in the lineup but I think Jon's inexperience and Greg's poor shot selection will just end up in disappointment. DeMarcus Nelson will never become the shooter we need him to be. Zoubek as our inside presence is just depressing. There are not happy times ahead in Cameron Indoor Stadium. Sigh. At least we got to see that monumental collapse in OT by the Tar Heels. That was worth 10 losses to VCU.

Now, onto what exactly? Baseball season? I know so little about baseball that I'd be doing a disservice to analyze it. So I'll point you here instead. They'll give you what you need.

As for us at Queek Queek, we're going to put on our floppy hats and sunglasses and hit the road for Spring and Summer. We'll put a good word in here and there. Be good and we'll be ready to talk hoops come fall. The globe slowly turns with a grinding pain like the burning in Roy Williams' tender butthole. Nos vemos, amigos.

I'm not going to yell. I'm not going to "explode" or "go crazy".

You know, I don't even care. I'm a grown man. I can take it. I've dealt with loss. If I get too down, I can hop the subway down to Canal Street and gorge myself on Steamed Pork Buns and Happy Endings til Monday morning. I'll be alright.

But what about the kids? The children of Durham? Did you forget about them?

I remember in '92, sitting in our apartment off James Street, fingers crossed, Hill to Laettner, the Shot. Crying on the phone with my best friend seconds later; we couldn't believe it. That was for something. This? This was... You could've set something up. COME ON PAULUS. I'm not going to yell. You could have given something to the kids, could have given them 100%. It's like you knew the season had to end here.

I had you losing next round anyways, but come on... VCU? It would have been alright if Capel was still coaching--it would have been poetic. A shining moment and all that bullshit. But this was just depressing.

It's back to Durham and you have a long summer ahead. Between hummers from fat Asian Trinity undergrads and sushi at George's Garage, I have one humble request:

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Seriously. The birds are returning from wherever the hell they go off to in winter. The trees are blooming. The air seems fresh, clean. I can smell flowers. I hear bells when I see her hair.

Got off the plane at RDU and immediately drove to a Bojangle's. Sat in the parking lot behind the G105 building and ate sixteen biscuits in three minutes.

God I love the Triangle.

What a great ACC tournament, except for that unfortunate end where the humble, deserving Wolfpack got denied by the dark forces of Corn Eating Bastard and his leathery little master. I think the Pack got shafted by the selection committee as well but what can you do. Let's talk March Madness:

Good Things

UNC is fucked. They'll steamroll Marquette and then get smoked by Texas. Tough bracket to be in, possibly the toughest. Hansbrough I want to feel your tears. Frasor where I come from we kidnap guys that look like you and roast you on spits over open coals. (I'm from near Woodcroft, actually. Take the 751-Jordan Lake exit off 40 and I'm like a mile west of there.) Reyshawn, I actually have respect for you, to an extent. Fuck you.

BC could style on Texas Tech. It's a tossup. I have Tech going to the elite 8, which is probably stupid but its a gut instinct. Look Jared Dudley is pretty good, even though he looks like Jim Jones. But it's still Boston, so fuck it. I hope Knight throws a chair at some point.

Bad Things

UVA is good until they meet Greg Oden and get buttfucked back to the 1770s. Dave Leito looks like he could be another Paul Hewitt and boy does Charlottesville need that, but it's too early to say. I miss the old days of UVA when they recruited that kid from my high school who was a wife beater. I miss Bobby Cremins, too.

Duke, Duke, my poor beloved Duke. You were so young; why do the good die young? You guys are completely fucked. I know this is where my West Durham upbringing is supposed to shine through all reason, but you guys are absolutely fuck-hammered. Wojo will scream in pain as the shots rain down. Chris Collins will be talked into lowering the handgun from his temple at the very last second. Coach K will start to subtly vibrate before the rat actually breaks through the skin and makes for the arena exits. Alls I'm saying is: Hey Gaudet, watch your back. I blame you for all of this. Listen: Pitt, UCLA, So Ill, Florida. If you guys can do this, I will shave the hair off of my entire body for the duration of 2007.

VT. Fuck you guys. Expansion homos. Bruce Weber is gonna spread mayo on that ass and take a big chomp.

Georgia Tech. My homeys. I always like to see these cats do well. But they ain't doin' nothing. If Wisconsin doesn't wax that ass, Oregon will be happy to do it for them. Too bad but really, did you even picture yourselves going this far this season? Be glad you're not Clemson.

Terps, o mighty ones, Terror-pins, Murdaland representatives. Butler will be the toughest game you've had all season. Destroy with extreme prejudice. Then you will meet your demise, so do me one favor okay? Mike Jones, I want you to set a pick and then slap the ever-loving shit out of Joakim Noah. Don't even bother making it look like an accident. Calmly walk off the court and take your suspension like a man [ed: He's a senior, all the more reason. Have you seen MD's roster? They're all fucking seniors! They're fucked next year!]. Who? MIKE JONES. Who? MIKE JONES. Bowers, I want you to take a shit in Billy Donovan's briefcase after the game. Maybe next year, guys.

All the other teams can go to hell. I'm an ACC guy through and through. In case you're interested (you're not) here it is:

Florida
Texas
Pitt
Louisville

Texas over Florida 91-86 OT

Let the games begin.

PS: Memo to the selection committee: We have VT, BC and Miami as our expansion hoes now. It's like a large Catholic family where babies keep getting shit out. My point is, Florida State is one of us now. Stop picking on them.

H-hey coach! Leave me in yayayayaya 14 points whatever there's still 12 seconds left, my mom's in the audience you don't understand how much it means for me to have to impress h

COME ON COACH ok if you don't leave me in I swear I'll walk off this court HOLD ME BACK REYSHAWN I SWEAR

NO th

NO I HAVE ALLERGIES YOU KNOW HAYFEVER no not Haywood

oboyoboy

Ok I'll miss this free throw, WHAT AN OPPORTUNITY THIS IS